


Rearview

by legendofthesevenstars



Category: Tenkuu no Escaflowne | The Vision of Escaflowne
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:13:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27373261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendofthesevenstars/pseuds/legendofthesevenstars
Summary: While feeling conflicted about his present relationships and the failures and pain of his past, Allen has a strange dream in which he meets an alternate version of himself from another Gaea.
Kudos: 4





	Rearview

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday, Allen Schezar! It's been nearly two years since I first watched The Vision of Escaflowne, and Allen's still easily one of my favorite fictional characters of all time.
> 
> This takes place sometime between episode 16 and 17.

Allen was overwhelmed. That was an understatement. All of his old memories and feelings were bubbling back to the surface. Whatever was between him and Millerna was withering, just as something seemed to be growing between him and Hitomi.

The one who listened to him, who paid attention to what he felt, was Hitomi. After Millerna had found out about him and Marlene, she’d grown distant, and he couldn’t blame her at all. Hitomi didn’t know his deepest secret, but she was slowly peeling away layers of him. He’d told her about Celena and Mother so soon after he’d met her, and back then, he hadn’t even known what had made him open up to her. She’d seen him lash out at Dryden, and she hadn’t thought less of him. He’d felt raw and exposed, but she hadn’t judged him at all. Just comforted him, told him he was a good person. And then she’d accidentally fallen into his arms.

He lay awake thinking about it, about—that. Not only about how she’d trembled in their embrace, but about how shocked Van had been when he’d seen them. Van hadn’t tried to avoid him after that, but he’d kept his distance from Hitomi that evening. Before she’d told Allen she liked him, Hitomi had asked him to help Van. He wasn’t blind—something was growing between Van and Hitomi, too. But if Hitomi returned Van’s feelings, what would happen to _him_?

What had Hitomi said when she’d given him that reading to prove herself? Something about being reunited with Father. What had she meant by that? What did the future hold for him that he didn’t yet know? He hoped Hitomi would be part of that future…

—

“Feeling conflicted?”

The voice rang in Allen’s head, and he opened his eyes. He knew he was dreaming, but why did the voice sound like his own?

“Who’s there?”

“I’ve never been to a country like this before. It’s not bad, but why’d you pick the swamp when you could have lived by the sea?”

“Where are we?” He stood up, and Fort Castelo, and the woods on the border, materialized around him.

“Pretty big house just for one man. You must have a lot more money than I do.”

Allen turned toward the origin of the voice, and a man his exact height stepped out of the dark fog. His long blonde hair was tied into a ponytail at his waist, and his eyes were blue. He wore a black uniform with a coat, trousers, and boots and a black headband, necklace, and bracelets. Aside from the different clothing, it was shockingly like looking into a mirror.

“Are you—me? From the future?” he asked the stranger.

“I don’t know that I’m from the future or the past,” was the answer. “But if it helps, my name is Allen.”

“My name is also Allen. Allen Schezar.”

“You have a last name? Interesting.” The other Allen set his hand on his hip. “Why don’t we walk up to your house and you tell me all about yourself?”

“Will I learn more about you?”

“Of course. I don’t know anything about your life, so don’t spare any details. First, how about you tell me about your clothes? I’ve never seen sleeves that big before.”

Allen glanced at his shoulder. “This is just the fashion in Asturia. It’s a Knight Caeli uniform.”

“Knight Caeli?”

“An order of twelve knights in the service of King Aston. Each Knight controls his own Guymelef.”

“What’s a Guymelef?”

“It’s a giant suit of armor. You operate it with your own arms and legs, and most operators wield a sword or other weapon.”

“That sounds like the Dragon Armor, Escaflowne.”

“You have Escaflowne in your world?” Allen stopped in his tracks. “Then you know Van?”

The other Allen nodded, continuing toward Fort Castelo. “I do know Van. In fact, he’s a good friend of mine, though he’d never admit it.”

Allen laughed. “Sounds like Van. He’s…” He paused. “He’s my friend, too. Do you know Hitomi?”

“I can’t say I’ve ever heard that name.”

“She’s a girl from the Mystic Moon who can see the future.”

“The Mystic Moon? That’s a name I do know.”

“And is your world called Gaea?”

The other Allen paused, turning around to face Allen. With a smile, he said, “We have more in common than I thought, but if you keep asking me what’s the same, we won’t get anywhere. Keep walking.” Then he turned around with a swish of blonde hair.

Allen caught up to him before asking, “How is your life different?”

“I’m the leader of a resistance group called the Abaharaki. We’re fighting against the Black Dragon Clan, a villainous organization led by Folken. Van’s traveling with me, along with his childhood friend Merle.”

“‘Merle’ is a familiar name. Who else is in your group?”

The other Allen counted the members on his fingers: “Gaddes, Reeden, Kio, Ort, Teo, Katz, Pyle, and Millerna.”

“I recognize all of those names.” He was glad that this other Allen had the same people surrounding him. “Princess Millerna travels with you?”

“‘Princess’? That’s just our nickname for her. She fights alongside the rest of us.”

Allen shook his head. “I can’t believe that. A princess on the battlefield? She may be studying medicine, but I couldn’t see her fighting.”

“I couldn’t imagine her as a real princess.”

They arrived at the front gate of Fort Castelo. “This was my outpost,” Allen said. “Where I commanded Gaddes and the others, defending the border between Fanelia and Asturia, until it burned down.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Now what are you up to?”

“Traveling the world in my leviship, the _Crusade_. We’re trying to hunt down the Zaibach Empire. Though right now, we’re on our way to the Mystic Valley, and…” He cut himself off. Even with this other Allen, he felt uncomfortable talking about Father right away. What did it say about him that he couldn’t even talk to himself about Father?

“Do you know Dryden?” he said instead of continuing.

“Do I know him?” The other Allen laughed. “He’s the one funding me!”

Allen gasped. “You’re kidding!”

“Not at all. He’s the one giving money to the Abaharaki. Judging by the way you said his name, things must be strained between you two.”

“It’s difficult to explain.”

“Maybe you should start from the beginning.”

Allen looked away from the other Allen. Fort Castelo faded, morphing into the Schezar estate. It loomed in the distance as they looked up at it from the field below.

“Has your life been especially difficult?” the other Allen said gently.

Allen turned toward himself. Though he was standing in the very field where he’d watched Celena run out of his grasp, it was still hard to open up.

“It’s all right. I understand.” The other Allen smiled. “You don’t want to talk too openly because that’ll make you look weak. You have to be a strong and calm leader for the sake of everyone in your group. Right?”

“Yes,” Allen confirmed, after some hesitation.

“Well, I’m not them. I’m you.”

“I know.”

“And that doesn’t make it any easier, does it?”

“Not at all.”

The other Allen chuckled. “Yes, I know myself almost too well.” He sighed through his nose, turning toward the mansion. “My country was burned to the ground by the Black Dragon Clan when I was twelve years old. I lost my family in the attack, and I was devastated. I ran away from home and ended up with a gang of bandits. Turned out we all had the same thing in common, and that’s how the Abaharaki was born.”

“I lost everyone, too.” Allen looked up at the mansion. “When I was eleven, my father left home, seeking the secret of the Mystic Valley, and never returned. Shortly after that, my sister suddenly disappeared, leading my mother to die of grief, and leaving me alone. I had nothing, so I ran away from home. After joining a bandit gang, I met my swordmaster, Balgus, who trained me until I was old enough to return to my country and serve in the Knights Caeli.

“After I was named to the Knights Caeli…” He cut himself off. Would the other Allen think less of him for what had happened?

“Let me guess. You did something reprehensible, and you don’t want my image of you to be tarnished by it?”

Allen laughed bitterly. “It’s terrifying how well you know me.”

“Because we’re the same.”

“Though we’re really not.”

“So that means I don’t know. Go on, tell me.”

“I met and fell in love with the First Princess of Asturia, Marlene. I was so madly in love with her that when she left Asturia to marry her husband in another country, she, well…” He cleared his throat. “She was with child. But the Duke of Freid accepted my son as his own. When I came to Freid, I met my son for the first time. Talked to him. Even held him. But I can’t be there for him.”

“I’m sorry,” the other Allen said softly. “I’ve never had the kind of love that ended in heartbreak that deep.”

“But you have loved?”

“Yes, I’ve been in love,” he said wistfully, not without a note of sadness. He turned to face Allen, smirking. “Is someone on your mind right now?”

Allen stuttered. “There… might be a woman. But I’m not really sure.”

“Tell me about her.”

“She listens to me. Makes me feel safe opening up to her. And really, ever since Marlene left, that’s all I’ve wanted. Someone I can speak freely to, who won’t judge my weakness based on the prestige of my position.”

“You carry a lot on your chest.”

Allen sighed. “I can’t deny that.”

“You know you don’t have to do it alone.” The other Allen smiled again. “Your Gaddes, your Reeden and all those folks. Do you ever talk to them?”

“I talk about some things with Gaddes, but not everything.”

“Your Van?”

“I don’t think we’re nearly that close.”

“But you care about him a lot?”

“I do.”

“The feeling’s likely mutual then. Or at the very least, he doesn’t want you to die either.”

They were silent for a moment.

Then the other Allen said, “I don’t know about you and your new beloved.”

“Even without knowing what she’s like?”

“Maybe you just love her because you need someone who’ll listen to you.”

Allen’s heart twinged. “But I care for her.”

“And even though she’s listening, you’re still in pain. You’re angry about your father. You miss your mother and sister. You miss Marlene, and you might even still love her. You wish you could be there for your son.”

The other Allen no longer spoke entirely as himself. It seemed as if he spoke with a wisdom beyond himself.

“You should be careful,” the other Allen said gently, turning to Allen and setting his hand on his shoulder. “I wouldn’t want to get heartbroken again.”

He furrowed his brow. “I’m not a fool.”

The other Allen chuckled. “I know. I can’t stop you. But please, won’t you promise me one thing, me?”

“What is it?”

“Be careful with that heart of yours. It’s hard for you to love, but when you do love someone, you love with your whole heart. You give as much of yourself up as you can, and you’re in pieces by the end of it. You’re still fragile, Allen. Don’t shatter. You’re not nearly as strong as you need to be to pick yourself back up again…”

—

Allen bolted upright in bed, his nightshirt stuck to his skin. Strange dream. Had he really talked to another version of himself? Had it been a Doppelgänger? He couldn’t have really created another him from his imagination, could he? Thinking too hard about it made his head hurt.

Still, as he stood up and got dressed, snapping the buttons and toggles on his uniform and tucking his jumpsuit into his boots, he couldn’t help thinking of what the other Allen had said. He had warned him that he wasn’t strong enough to love yet. That he couldn’t give everything away, no matter how much his heart clamored for it. Yet when he stepped back into the front of the ship and saw Hitomi standing there, watching the open sea glimmering in the sunlight below the _Crusade_ , it was difficult not to forget all of that. She made him feel safe. What did it matter if he fell apart and she wouldn’t be there to pick him back up? He knew he could always pick himself back up. He’d done it before, just because he’d had to. As much as he wanted to rely on someone else, to give himself up completely to someone else, he knew he was the only person who could pick up after himself.

He barely felt Van tap him on the shoulder, then flinched when he felt the light slap. He turned around to face him, smiling when he remembered the words of the other Allen in his dream.

“Good morning, Van,” he said. “Something the matter?”

“I had the strangest dream last night.”

“You, too?”


End file.
